Funny

“Your wife and daughter look like twins,” my friend said. “Well,” I replied, “they were separated at birth.” One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore…

“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?” She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.” My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started…

My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don’t worry, I’ll return. “Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He…

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on…

My wife told me she didn’t understand cloning. I told her, “That makes two of us.” My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t…